BKS

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  • #1

als Ausländer in Parship

Hey,
I was wondering what is your opinion on how much a chance would a well-integrated well-educated (non-western) foreigner have for dating here in Parship? Would you automatically assume a cultural disconnect and dismissive such a person? Would you give him a chance? what would you primarily look for?

Greetings
B.
 
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  • #2
AW: als Ausländer in Parship

Dear B:
Zitat von BKS:
The ladies would probably expect a sufficient command of the German language from a a well-integrated foreigner—simply as evidence of integration. However, this is not always essential for a contact. Many ladies here, judging from their profiles, speak more than one or two languages. And works the other way round, too: Quite a few of foreign ladies have posted profiles here.
Zitat von BKS:
Would you automatically assume a cultural disconnect and dismiss such a person?
May depend on where you are from. If your background indicates no familiarity with self-determination, you may encounter difficulties.
Zitat von BKS:
Why don't you give it a try?
Zitat von BKS:
Now this is definitely for the ladies to answer.
 

Guy

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  • #3
AW: als Ausländer in Parship

Another guy's opinion: I would suspect scam artists behind English profiles. In case an English-speaking woman contacted me I would require her to somehow make me feel she's the real deal right from the first message (which also could be quite hard). Weird, though, I'm never that careful with Germans.
 
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AW: als Ausländer in Parship

In my talks with foreigners, I have noticed that a recurring topic of possible culture clashes is religion. Many cultural differences can be worked out easily, but religion tends to be dear to people. In Germany, quite often, "dear" in the sense of "it should be a private matter". In other cultures, I've seen the unspoken assumption that "of course the couple will go to church every sunday". This might not be as obvious to German partners. Depending on what culture you are from, it might be worth checking if your own ideas would sound "unusual" hereabouts.

That, and of course gender topics. Men and women are equal. Anything else risks some bad reactions.
 
B

Benutzerin

  • #5
AW: als Ausländer in Parship

Zitat von Guy:
Another guy's opinion: I would suspect scam artists behind English profiles. In case an English-speaking woman contacted me I would require her to somehow make me feel she's the real deal right from the first message (which also could be quite hard). Weird, though, I'm never that careful with Germans.
Most English speaking men are scammer. :-(
 
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  • #6
AW: als Ausländer in Parship

hi BKS,

it seems to me that there are 2 different topics here.
-language
-being a foreigner

I was just wondering why you say you're well-integrated but you post in english, with a german title. are you afraid of making mistakes? I think those could be charming. if you keep an englisch profile, you'll get much less answers, not everybody is ready (able) to correspond in english.

about the fact of being a foreigner, I feel concerned because I'm one myself, and just want to share my experience with you. although I speak german fluently and would never need/think about expecting to speak my own language with contacts, I sometimes got a "naughty" answer, mentioning the fact that I'm not from here. it always happened after having decided not to further the contact with this person. I sent a message saying that I don't wish to go on, and he clicked on the X-button, telling me smg like, anyway you're a foreigner, and people from here have a better behavior..it happened to me at least 3 or 4 times, so be aware that people may hurt you about your being-no-german.
I have the feeling that discrimination takes a big place in those contact-plattforms, just for you to think, I saw a male profile having written in the profession cathegory, "I'm a foreigner!". which makes me think that he was fed up with making bad experiences, and wanted the people contacting him to be aware about that, to avoid confusion. interesting.

but anyway have a try. You must be aware that it will be maybe more difficult for you than for others, but at the end of the day it's the way we chose as we came here and took this responsibility of becoming a foreigner :)
wishing you good luck,
w/46
 
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  • #7
AW: als Ausländer in Parship

It's sadly true that most foreigner profiles are frauds. Luckily, they're usually easily recognized. Especially when they explain to you that they are not currently in Germany and only need you to pay for the flight so they can be with you, their greatest love. Very believable after one mail exchange. (I'm sure there are less obvious frauds around.)

To give some positive example: I just contacted a lady from the US. She seems my type, I like her humor, and we have some common interests. Would be nice if that worked out. (She hasn't read the message yet :)).
 

BKS

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Hey everyone,
Thank you very much for the insights. Just to clarify a bit; I live in Germany, am already a full member (with ID check) for a short time during which I have had some encouraging interactions.
The language did not seem to be a problem as I do communicate in both EN and DE (see below). However, I get the feeling that I am losing the contacts after several interactions which are usually about our "seemingly" common hobbies and interests. I am positively certain that I am not violating any expected norms (e.g. by being too personal or invasive, being persistent, etc.). The nationality (and hence, the perceived cultural difference) did not seem to be the problem, as I always do explain it in the very first correspondences.
Therefore, my hypothesis limits the reasons to a few possibilities; latent effect of the nationality, being bad at email conversion or being unattractive (based on my pictures). The two later options have not been really a problem for me before, therefore i though maybe the first one would be the main problem in this mode of indirect (not face to face) communication...

-About the language:
My German is not too bad but of course I do make mistakes. I made a conscience decision to stick to English not to give the other side the feeling of being "intellectually challenged". I reasoned that even if it is clear that German is not one's native language (and not even the working language in my case), the inevitably numerous spelling and grammatical mistakes that i will make can have a negative effect in the subconsciousness level, when thinking about what one "feels" about a potential partner, and therefore lowering my chances. My contacts up to know almost exclusively initiated contact in English and the conversation continued in EN or DE. I am not certain about "cuteness" of mistakes, maybe for an American that would be the case, but i have doubts if that would also apply to my case.

-About being a foreigner:
Unfortunately I am from a part of the world (middle east) which provokes unfavorable associations in most westerners. Although this probably is a good built-in "filtering" measure to avoid not-so-open-minded people, It might still be negatively affecting my chances, although I am an agnostic and my value system is much more compatible to the German culture than to my own, but of course it is very hard to communicate that in this format.

So, based on your suggestions, I think all i can do it to change my profile language to German and hope for the "law of large numbers" to apply ;)

Cheers
BKS.
 
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  • #9
AW: als Ausländer in Parship

"We exchanged a few mails and then nothing anymore" seems to be common, no matter the nationality. I've been trying to think of a reason for it, too. That was good, it made me aware of what I am insecure about, but I doubt it has much to do with why the contacts drop.

It seems to be just the way it is. Be yourself, it's the only way to find a woman who loves you as you are. :)
 

BKS

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  • #10
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Zitat von Malaclypse:
"We exchanged a few mails and then nothing anymore" seems to be common, ...
Thank you for your post. Being in science and a very pragmatic person (according to the Parship test), it is very hard for me to imagine why people would initiate a contact and then drop off without a proper reason (that i could also see) or explanation....
Maybe they expect to "feel the special connection" within the first three emails? Not very realistic i would say ;)

Cheers
BKS.
 
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  • #11
AW: als Ausländer in Parship

hi BSK,
well I think we're all victims of the concurrency which we are part of.
as soon as somebody reads smg not fitting, he (she) clicks away.. if I can speak in this way.
I have to recognize that I also did it, after a few mails with a spanisch-native, the interest was not so high and I was getting tired in spanisch..or reaching my limits.
but I have to thank you for your thread, I took a lesson and started myself today to inform a new contact immediately about my nationality (in my case, I tend to hide it a bit just because of clichees about my country, nothing bad). waiting 4 reaction :)))
 

BKS

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  • #12
AW: als Ausländer in Parship

Hi vialavita
I see, although it is not the most pleasant thing to do, I assumed the protocol is to be decent and inform the other party that you are not interested -as nicely as possible-, or at least that is what i tried to do, but I guess people have no time for these sentimentalities these days :)

Cheers
B.
 
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  • #13
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Hi there,

I'd assume that if a woman considers this an issue,then she's likely not the kind of holy you want to be around with.

So your question might rather be around statistics: How many travelled and multilingual women are idling around here ... I can only say, that mostly every contact I had is fluent in english.

But it's about more than the tongue: is the mind bilingual, sorry, bicultural. Only if so you'd have a chance anyways to get what u seek.

good luck!
 
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  • #14
AW: als Ausländer in Parship

I also have the same problems. I was born in the Caribbean but grew up in the States, Tall & Black that’s 3 strikes against me although I'm bad to look at. It’s hard to meet men living in a new city. They mostly stare at me or follow me around so I chose this was to meet someone. Most write to me out of curiosity because I do state where I'm from and how I look. My profile is in German and I'd rather communicate in German because I have been unknowingly used to practice English before they either go on holiday or off to America for business. Or men who wants to know my whole life history but still haven’t taken the time to come to visit. I’m not a big on writing or talking on the phone for too long so I’d rather meet.

Funny that I hardly get any mails from Men in my city. Why is that?

I've been on here less than 6 months but I will not renew my membership.

However, I wish you good luck.

Regards,
Longlegz
 
M

marlene_geloescht

  • #15
AW: als Ausländer in Parship

I am German and I would appreciate to find a partner from a different culture.

I 've had two partners from different parts of the world (South America, Asia). These relationships were very exciting and partly different to the ones I had with German men.
These realationships did not last, sadly, because of personal reasons (not because of the cultural differences).
The cultural differences exist and they are challenging, but I find them very interesting. They may broaden your mind.

Unfortunately, parship has no foreign partner suggestions for me at the moment.